Unequal Yoking

Deuteronomy 22:10.
"Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together."

2 Corinthians 6:14.
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

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Unequal yoking, I believe, is one of the most serious problems among Christian teens today. It certainly isn't limited to there, but it sticks out like a sore thumb all over high schools, churches, teams, etc. Yoking ourselves unequally can and will prevent us from achieving all that Jesus Christ has for us in those seasons of our lives.

First let me describe more of what I'm talking about. Let's get a working definition for yoking. Yoking simply means being joined to something. More specifically I'm focusing on the yoking that occurs between two people and how that affects how each lives.

Now that we have a working idea of what yoking is, lets look at what Scripture says. The passage from 2 Corinthians 6:14 is pretty clear in its meaning. If you are a Christian you shouldn't yoke yourself with someone who is not. For guys, this means don't you dare date a girl who isn't in love with Jesus Christ, even if she is the most beautiful and sweetest girl you've ever met. Girls, don't waste your time on a guy that knows how to say all the right things that make you feel good, but doesn't follow the Lord. I mean this all seems like common sense, but when we're caught in the moment we tend to lose track of that don't we? We know that a relationship between such different people is probably not good... but we can make it work. That's your first myth right there. You're not going to make it work. Don't try and tell yourself you will. The truth is a Christian in a relationship with a non-Christian will be pulled down to the level of the one in the darkness.

Picture them actually yoked together, like they were pulling a plow. If a Christian and a non-Christian are yoked, the plow will teeter to one side for a while, and probably drag to a stop. The more time he/she spends dating someone who isn't a follower of Jesus, the more their yearning for Christ diminishes. Each side of the relationship has different desires. As a Christian, the purpose of our life should be to bring God glory and walk in his ways. A non-Christian obviously won't share that passion. When we start running to God the other side of the yoke won't run with us. We'll have to drag the other person's spiritual baggage, and we can't do that for long. If you're dating a non-Christian right now, or thinking about it, I beg you not to waste your time. Sure there's the one miracle guy who gets his girlfriend to accept Christ, but then the couple often encounters another problem.

The second problem of equal yoking comes when a Christian is yoked with a Christian, but unequally. I demonstrate this with the passage from Deuteronomy. Consider the meaning behind what it says. Oxen and donkeys are both animals that are useful for plowing. When a pair of the same is yoked together, they are able to pull at equal rates and reach the end goal in a nearly straight line. Now what happens when you put the two together? Picture it in your head. If two Christians are yoked together (dating) but are not at similar places in their relationships with Christ, they will pull themselves in circles. They will make an inch or two of progress, that comes from simply pulling forward in the first place. But the stronger (in faith) of the two will drag the latter in circles endlessly.

As mentioned in the example in the paragraph prior to last, a new Christian yoked with someone who has been walking in the faith already can be a tricky and just as dangerous combination. But let me dig a bit deeper into the unequal yoking of Christians. In a dating relationship, one person shouldn't have to guide the other along the path of the Christian walk. The idea of yoking yourself together with someone is that you take every stride step for step. We aren't identical in our walks, so we won't proceed forward exactly concurrent with our partner, but we'll be very very close. But when two believers enter into a relationship on different levels, they fail to reach where they cold have if they weren't yoked. The stronger of the two has the potential to reach a higher level in his/her walk, and the lesser of the two has the potential to grow just as much. Let me make this a math problem and show you in an easier way. (don't grown it won't be hard).
Lets say the stronger Christian starts at level 10 (this is all just hypothetical) and the lesser is at 5.
Even if they both grow 7, 5+7=12 and 10+7=17, one is still further along.

Get what I'm trying to say? You can't just slingshot up to a girlfriend/boyfriend who is deeper in faith or vice versa. If you are dating someone who is on a whole different level with God then you are hurting yourself and them in what really matters, relationships with Jesus Christ.

So how do you tell if someone is on the same level as you? It should actually be pretty obvious. The easiest way is always just to ask. If you can't be open about your spiritual lives then you don't need to be dating anyway. You also have the Truth of Scripture to consult as well as the all-knowing God of the Universe. If you investigate then it won't take much effort to find out where each of you stand.

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Some of this might sting. Some if it might be stuff you don't want to hear. You might discredit me, but you can't argue with the Truths revealed in Scripture. I don't write this all because I care about you. I want your relationship with Christ to continue to grow, and that means it must be protected. Don't allow Satan to get a foothold by giving you more to carry than you need. Don't yoke yourself unequally. Jesus said in Matthew to come to him for rest. He said that his yoke was light and that he would carry it with us; for us. Yoke yourself to Christ, not someone who is going to inhibit you. Sometimes there isn't a nice way to say this kind of stuff. There usually isn't. Know this, I truly wish the best for you. Jesus wants the best for you.

Faithfully,
-matt