03 April 2015

Better to Settle?

"Better to settle than risk waiting indefinitely for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect?"

That was the headline I read when I walked into the break room and glanced up at the morning news on TV. I chuckled for a minute assuming that this was just a small bit somebody through together to give people a little pump up message that Mr. Right is out there somewhere, but then I kept listening. What I heard being discussed by the hosts (on a major new channel being streamed across the country) shocked me. They all extolled the decision to just go ahead and "pick somebody decent" and get married as soon as you can. Why wait, they reasoned, when you have no assurance that your soul mate is really out there.

Why wait? Why would it be a bad idea to marry the first person you can find that will agree to marry you? I think what was really at the heart of this discussion was a fundamental misunderstanding of why marriage exists and how it was created to function. Contrary to the American Dream mentality, marriage does not exist so that you can have a souse, two and a half kids, a white picket fence in front of you million dollar house. Marriage isn't even about you. It's not about your spouse. It's about the God who created this union to show a picture of the sacrificial love of Christ and the beauty of the church, being encouraged and empowered to bring forth life to the world around her.

If you're single, marriage is a good thing. The Apostle Paul says it is good for men to be married (1 Cor. 7), and as a married man myself, I agree wholeheartedly! The good fruit that can come from marriage are limitless; spiritual growth, accountability, encouragement, and more. Dating and courting exists, in my eyes, to get to know the person you may consider to marry. Are they marriage material? This doesn't mean you're searching for perfection, rather do you see the fruits of the Spirit in them that will lend that person to loving and respecting you, to growing in Christ-likeness. The love of Christ promotes freedom, and freedom give energy and growth to a healthy marriage.

According to a study last year by the Pew Research Center, less than half of children in the United States live in a household with two parents in their first marriage. More than a third are being raised by a single parent. For those who settle and realize too late that the spouse they picked isn't "right for them" the trend seems to be to break that commitment and try again, no matter who else gets hurt in the process.

So for all who have made it this far, here are some reasons not to settle.

1) Your spouse will become the greatest helper (or hinderer) to your spiritual trajectory.
2) Your future children will be half of your genes... and half of your spouse's.
3) Your spouse will be your best friend for life, not just a few years.
4) Settling brings pain, waiting brings the expectation of joy.
5) God has a good future for you - married or not, He knows best.

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Jesus, I thank you for your never ending loving kindness to me. I thank you for your grace that you willingly extend to us and your faithful friendship that goes beyond all earthly relationships. You are better. You are so much better than any relationship we could desire, because your generosity and your fellowship are better than life. I pray that we would all want more of you today, and whether married or unmarried, we would trust you to guide our paths - knowing that you are a good father that delights in giving your children good things. Amen.

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