I just spent the past two evenings attending a sort of apologetics seminar that dealt heavily with creation, the fall of man, and the flood. I was extremely interested and am grateful to have learned all that I did. New knowledge aside, this scientific affirmation of the facts of my faith did more than give me the mental fortitude to outstand the creeping doubts. No; this set of lessons awoken my soul.
You see for the past three months or so, I'd been slowly bottoming out spiritually. Time with God began to slowly deplete from several hours a day to none at all. I'd been out serving God and loving people as best I could, but I didn't spend nearly enough time taking care of myself as I should have. Physically and mentally I was fine, but spiritually I just was fading. We all hit these dry spells, but we naturally assume that they won't last very long. Three months later... I can't even count how many times I'd thought that the end was right around the corner.
I'd keep looking for things to bounce me back. I went on a few retreats and had fellowship with my peers. I was a leader on some of those retreats, and was able to live out my passions of leading and teaching. I had a time to relax and regather my thoughts on vacation, and then I had the ultimate spiritualness generator, a mission trip - and got nothing. My depleted tank was not filled.
But tonight I came to a realization. Spiritual contentedness is not something that is come upon by attending the proper church activities, and it doesn't come from living morally right. It comes from Jesus. As my friend Kenny taught us about the Flood, I saw the beauty of God's awesome power. I saw the depths of his tremendous love for men. I saw Jesus. You know when you're in church, and the sermon is preached and God just grabs you and changes your life regardless of the topic, thats what happened.
So now as I go into my first collegiate semester, as I set out from the home, church, and friends that I love; I am prepared for what life will throw at me. One of my biggest fears was entering this next stage of my life on a spiritual flat line, but God is good and takes care of His children.
If you get nothing out of this other than Matt is feeling good with God again, so be it, that's cool. But do consider a few things.
-Only we know what is going on in our own hearts, to others we usually look to have it all under control. It takes an honest self assessment to progress onto the solution to any problems in us.
-God is faithful. No matter how far away you ever feel He loves you, even enough to die so that you could have life forever and ever.
-Be a part of a wolf pack. As me and my friends discussed at an overnight lock-in at a church event, none of us has to do life on our own. We have brothers and sisters in Christ who are more than willing to do life with us and make the hard times more bearable. Without my brothers, theses past months would have been incredibly more painful and troublesome.
I hope this encourages your souls,
-matt
No comments:
Post a Comment